puke duty

what is up with men not being able to handle kid-puke? seriously? so about one in the morning emmy comes into our room and wants to sleep with me and derek and so i pick her up and put her next to me. then she wants juice, so i get up and get her some apple juice. she drinks it, gives it to me, cries because i have it, takes it back, drinks it, and falls asleep. this is pretty typical for her. i don't know why she gives me the juice at all. she hands it to me and says "there you go" and then gets upset like i stole it or something. hey, little girl! you just gave it to me and i don't even want it! so anyway, things were fine till about three in the morning. andrew comes in hacking and wants to lay down next to me. now we have a problem. emmy is in that spot and if i move her i risk waking her up for a while, but if i don't move her i risk andrew laying on top of her and waking her up. so i tell derek to take emmy. he goes to reach for her and andrew starts coughing on emmy. of course he sounds like he's gonna throw up so immediately derek takes his hand away leaving emmy at the mercy of andrew and his cough. nice. so i'm thinking, what the heck? i said something like "way to give up" to derek and he's all "well, i don't want to get thrown up on." okay, does anyone want to get thrown up on? really? i'm sure emmy doesn't. okay, there are a few times that i have thrown myself under the bus on that one. when i'm at someone else's house and the kids have thrown up on me i would rather them continue to do that than to have to clean up the carpet or have the home owner have to clean up the carpet. they throw up on me, and then i put something else on. now we just have really dirty laundery, but a clean carpet and everyone is happy though simultaneously completely grossed out. okay, back to the original story- i push emmy away onto derek's arm, which according to him is throwing her at him. i snuggle with andrew and calm him down so he doesn't cough anymore. then i get more juice for emmy who has now woken up enough to realize that she doesn't have any juice left. by this time it's about half past three or so. i go to the bathroom and then go back to bed only now my head is at the foot of the bed because andrew has taken my spot over. now i can't sleep so i get up and have two bowls of cereal while i look at stuff online. now it's an hour later and i'm realizing that if i don't go to sleep soon i'll be oh so tired in the morning. this run down is, sadly, a pretty typical night for me. now, just to add to the sympathy factor for myself, i'm 5 1/2 months pregnant. smelling the garbage makes me gag. how am i the best candidate for puke duty? i'll tell you how, because i'm the mom.