The Children

so i was reading another woman's blog and she talked about how she changed into THAT mom. you know the one. she hovers over her children at the playground and yells at all the kids. anyway, it got me thinking. how have i changed? when i'm at home with my children and it's just the three of us i'm a lot different than when i'm with people. my children get yelled at and spanked at my house. no, i'm not abusing them, but i do lose my temper with them more if no one is around. yelling happens a lot, but i try to not spank them. at least i only do it maybe once a day and only use my open hand. my kids know when i've hit my limit. andrew will smile at me and tell me that he still loves me. that almost always melts my heart. emmy, who is not quite as articulate in these situations, just gives me a hug. that also gets me. i never thought that i would be an angry mom. why? because i knew absolutely everything about raising children. i was going to be the perfect mom whose children were darling little angels because i was prepared. i couldn't understand why some parents couldn't control their kids. well, for being so cocky i was awared my son andrew. he's so full of energy and he can be very naughty. at my house he has limits in what he can get into. i have locks on door and things like that. when we are in public i really just have to let him loose. otherwise i will lose it. now i don't wonder why people don't controll their children. they can't. at least to a certain point. children have their own personalities. they aren't just what we make them. i wonder what my kids will be like when they are older. can you believe that i'm actually looking forward to when they are older? i just know that someday i'll look back and laugh at how delusional i once was.